Quote Corner – Shannon Hale
A lovely quote from the author of one of my favorite book pairs, Austenland and Midnight in Austenland.
By Jon (Flickr: Ultimate Sand Castle)
“Writing a first draft and reminding myself that I’m simply shoveling sand into a box so that later I can build castles.”
– Shannon Hale
Seems appropriate right now since I am still working on a lot of shoveling. It’s good to remember that there’s no need to sculpt turrets yet. Those can come later.
What to Do When an Agent Says More Than No
I’ve been finishing some suggested revisions recently on An Unfamiliar Gravity, and although the steps seem simple once you’re through them, I thought I’d just chat a bit about them. They say that most writers never become authors due to a break somewhere in the chain of diligence (read ‘stubbornness’) required to get through the whole process. To me, this step seemed to be a pretty weak link in my chain, so I’m thinking it could be one in yours too.
See, for some reason getting an actual response to my query was way more terrifying than getting a straight rejection. Part of it was the massive look of the long e-mail, and part of it was my disappointment that another promising exchange had ended for the time being. But neither were the biggest source of my fear. Do you want to know the main one? It’s an embarrassing, but, I think, a pretty widespread problem: I felt extremely defensive of my manuscript. How dare someone tell me how to write my book!?!
Well, knowing that my reaction was ridiculous and unproductive, I tried to let the e-mail sit for a few days so I could cool down and gain some perspective. If this works for you, great! Wait a day or two, go back to the critique and get started. But if you are like me, and waiting doesn’t do anything at all, then you need another strategy.
I ended up having someone else read it first and give me their impression so that I could see just how irrational I was being. Choose someone you trust, not just a random co-worker; you need to be able to gauge their reaction well and you want them to be honest. Preferably you should choose someone who’s been in the loop throughout your publishing process, maybe even read your manuscript. By the time I realized that I needed to have someone else take a look at the e-mail I had already started mentally placing the blame anywhere but on myself. Even now, those thoughts still exist in my brain, but I know they are just the whiny, lazy part and that they are wrong.
So, no matter whether you use distance or another person to do so, one of the first things you need to do is ignore that voice in your head that says that the agent or assistant doesn’t know what they are talking about. They do. They work in this business everyday. They have good advice.
My favorite list-making pad 🙂
Second, don’t take it personally. This agent/assistant took the time to read a long excerpt and write a long response because she thought there was potential, not because she hated it. Embrace the critiques, and use them to make your manuscript fulfill its potential.
Third, derive meaningful directions from the response. This may seem like a no-brainer step, but I think it should be done somewhere other than just in your head. I adore lists, so I made a checklist that divided the advice into different topics (e.g. all critiques relating to one plot line).
The notes I received recently, for example, were a pretty long letter format. I could have highlighted important parts of written notes in the margins, but the letter seemed to come back to a few points several times. So, by creating a list, I reorganized the ideas into my own set of possible revisions in my own mental framework. Not only does this make it easier to address everything, but it also let me take control of the ideas so they aren’t just someone else’s thoughts. Instead, they are now my possibilities in my own words. Don’t underestimate that power.
This step also has the added bonus of getting your revising thought processes going. As you write each piece of advice down, or your equivalent of that, your brain will start working on it. Even if you don’t start the revision right away, the ideas will be steeping in your subconscious until you do.
I went a step beyond the list and made an idea web on my whiteboard just because I felt like I needed it.
Next, don’t take every single critique as gospel. This is the other side of the coin of trusting that the agent knows her business. As a new author, I would lean more toward trusting the agent, but very occasionally following advice would be totally against the integrity of the work. If that is true, then I would advise seeing if there’s a way to clarify what’s there, rather than changing it. Typically I find that when I have a part in my manuscript that doesn’t make sense to a reader it’s just because I have not actually written down all the pieces to that scene that were in my head. Just go back and see if there was a specific look or an action that you should have expressed, or if there was background information that needed to be conveyed. Sometimes your clarification will fix the problem in a way the reader didn’t even realize was a possibility. It’s your story; you know what’s best.
I caution you against making this questioning step a habit, but sometimes it is necessary. Keep in mind that if you are really against one edit, then don’t do it! That agent either has already said no. And if instead the agent asked you to send again and that edit is a make or break issue for her, there are other agents out there!
Finally, re-read the praise in the letter. An agent read more than your query for a reason. Hopefully, she included those reasons in her response. If she did, look back at it occasionally to remind yourself that you are on the right track and that you can do this!
Blown Away by Broadchurch
I’m fresh off finishing season 2 of Broadchurch, and I decided that it deserved a discussion on here. I’m not sure if my discussion can do it justice, but I will sketch out a few of my thoughts on both seasons.
First, I love seeing such amazing characterization getting this kind of attention in the world. Each character has his own defining traits, and they are pretty much all revealed just in each character’s reaction to one single event. In season 1 it’s the murder of one of their own; in season 2 it is learning of the betrayal by one of their own. To tease out so many different traits all with the same event and, in some cases, without even any dialogue, it takes a skilled writer.
And of course, each character has her own secrets, for good or ill. One last piece of characterization that is revealed when the character is put under too much pressure. The suspicion is spread evenly among most of the town as a result. The action in the series normally doesn’t come from an actual action sequence, but instead from reveals of character’s secrets. Setting up the whole order of reveals and their resultant effects had to look like a puzzle knot when the writers were planning it, but it was totally worth it.
The whole first season involved a narrowing of the suspect pool as with most criminal investigation shows. I feel that it showed a more accurate view of police work than a crime procedural though, because it took the whole season to whittle it down, and even then, there was still debate until the very end. It felt more realistic than, say, a Castle episode where they manage to find their man every time, within a day or two. (Sorry Castle! I still love you! XX)
The iconic cliff if actually in East Cliff near West Bay, Dorset. By Roger Cornfoot
What was really crazy (and again more realistic) is that the second season
flipped that structure, and rather than whittling down suspects, it started expanding the suspect pool again as the case went through trial. You could argue that the expansion was artificial since it was done by a defense attorney who just wanted to blow enough holes in the prosecution’s case to save the defendant. Still, the show had me second-guessing already in the first episode, falling back to my original first season theory of who murdered Danny. Whether you started suspecting another character or not, you still have to admit that the trial still made things seem a bit fuzzy.
As someone who had to be a guinea pig jury in a mock product liability case (it was fake, I emphasize), I can assure you that the fuzziness was quite accurate. By the end of that mock trial, my thoughts on the subject were so tangled and mangled it was ridiculous. And I had just learned product liability law a year before. Imagine lay people being dropped in the middle of such an emotional situation and having law that they may not understand intoned to them over and over again. And that isn’t even taking into account the persuasiveness of the attorneys. Theories fly around the room like confetti, and even if you have been involved in the case from the beginning it can get hard to keep the facts straight.
This second season captured that feeling perfectly, as well as the frustration that comes from seeing it in action. I loved that the writers showed the lawyer’s lives too and how the barristers’ own issues affected the course of the trial. They even threw in another criminal investigation during the second season to give a foil to the trial. So while the trial was pulling apart the investigation from the first one, the detectives were narrowing down another case. In the show the detectives seemed to be doing it partly because they needed to feel as if justice was being done elsewhere since it appeared to be failing in the trial. In reality, I think that the writers did it so that the audience could feel that sense of justice too. If the only plot line was the methodical destruction of the case against the first season villain, I think the audience would have been too pissed off to enjoy it. I believe that giving the viewers another plot line in which they justice was obviously being done was necessary to keep viewers returning.
Another element that I believe has made this show so successful is the partnering of two very different characters. This is used quite a lot, but I haven’t seen it executed this well in a while. Ellie Miller is the extrovert who wears her heart on her sleeve, and Alec Hardy is the curmudgeonly introvert. Although they are very different in how they approach the world, they both have the same desire for justice and attention to detail that makes them good detectives. I liked in the second season how they showed the two working together almost seamlessly because they trusted each other and had learned from the first season how to play off each others strengths.
The final reason I believe that this show had done so well is the show’s underlying optimism. Now that might sound strange, since anyone who has watched this show will tell you they cried quite a bit, or at least had several heart-wrenching moments. (I definitely needed my TV-watching box of Puffs.) But even though there was a lot of grief involved, a huge part of this show is exploring just how all these characters, who have experienced the unthinkable, get back to a new normal.
In many instances, it community involvement involvement is a main ingredient for that to happen, but there are a few poignant private moments that help too. They lean on each other in order to survive. I don’t want to give anything away, but let’s just say that the end of season 2 is the crowning moment of all of these. It shows that the only person who can decide to move on and find resolution is you; you can’t count on getting it from some external source. Oddly enough, I think that the characters would not have found the same resolution if the season had ended any differently.
This show’s characterization, ability to narrow and broaden the suspect pool at will, use of opposites for its main characters, and optimism all have combined to make for two amazing seasons of TV. I tried to make this post vague enough so that if you haven’t watched it yet I can say, “GO WATCH IT!” and you won’t have had any spoilers.
If you have seen it already, do you agree with me? Do you think there was another element that made a huge difference that I didn’t touch on? Oh, and did you know there’s a season 3 on the way? *Does a happy dance*
P.S. I may or may not be finishing up a Christmas short story that may or may not be released on my author website soon. 🙂
Finishing Strong: Pt. 2 of Outlander S1
**Spoilers ahead! I will be discussing the ending. So go read another post, like my post about the upcoming Star Wars film if you don’t want to know the ending yet!**
Let me start by saying, I was very impressed overall with this screen adaptation. It was one of the most faithful ones I have seen. So much so that some of the parts of the book that were fuzzy in my memory were refreshed by watching it. The only nitpick I have is that the accuracy started to wane in the last 1.5 episodes. Not sure why they ended up mushing pieces and parts together at that point when they had previously avoided doing so. It’s not like they would have been worried about portraying another sex scene (the final one in the book down in the caves under the abbey). But they did. It’s done. Whatever.
What I’d rather focus on are the things they did well. Portraying the correct mood was done very well, in fact there were places where I thought it was even better than the book. The main example is the scene where Jamie physically disciplines Claire for her disobedience. That very scene is one reason I almost didn’t make it through the book. It struck a chord within me of which I didn’t even know the depths. It disgusted me so much that no matter how many times I rationally thought through why Jamie did it, I still didn’t really forgive him.
One might argue that my reaction is the very reason why this book is so well written, since it can evoke such emotion. But still I was dreading that scene in the TV show. Then when it finally arrived, it actually had me laughing. The tone was completely different for me. I’m not sure if the music is solely responsible for that (kudos to Bear McCreary) or if the direction and acting were just as big of factors. Either way, the lighthearted scene was fun and I believe necessary for the medium of TV. Trying to tackle the issues that made my bile rise in the book version in an hour long episode, when you have bigger and badder things to convey, like plot, is not possible. So instead they made a comedic scene and touched on the consequences later, which felt like the perfect balance.
Finally, the narration choice in episode 9 was brilliant, in my opinion. If you are like my mother, you may not have noticed that there was any change, but that was the only episode where Jamie narrated, rather than Claire. Strange, no? Especially since the entire book was written from Claire’s point of view.
But it was so effective, that now I’m not sure how they would have succeeded doing it any other way. Here’s what this small change did for that episode, and the rest of the season
- It allowed us to see the action of Jamie and his crew infiltrating Fort
Fun Fact: The Ft. William in the TV show was actually Blackness Castle. Much more dramatic 😛 (By Dr John Wells)
William, and Jamie’s amazing entrance through the cliff-side window.
- Seeing Laoghaire’s seduction attempt made us hate her even more, and have a better inkling of what might be coming. More so than if we had only heard a offhand comment about it from Jamie through Claire.
- It quite possibly also contributed to the tone of the discipline scene, because we were further removed from Claire’s distress. Instead we were more in tune with Jamie’s reluctance and dismay.
- Claire’s silence toward Jamie after his ‘discipline’ is much more noticeable from his point of view. It also gave a little insight into his realization of just how exactly their relationship would have to work to thrive. That way, you realize just how big of a step it was for Jamie to ignore most of what he had learned about what marriage should be and to take a shaky first step onto unfamiliar ground.
- Plus, it allowed us to follow Jamie into all of the closed door meetings that change the whole political landscape of his and Claire’s lives. These are scenes that Claire never had access to, and only knew of because Jamie told her about them later. Sometimes. But with direct access to the meetings between Colum MacKenzie, Dougal MacKenzie, and Ned Gowan, and the meetings with the Duke of Sandringham, we as viewers get to watch the political drama unfold firsthand. This in turn means that we have a much better grounding in the political atmosphere as we return to Claire’s point of view for the rest of the season.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, I thought the the narration switch was one of the best decisions made in this half of Season 1. Which is saying something, because there were a lot of good decisions made. All in all, I thought it was a very well done end to the season and will definitely return for Season 2.
What did you think was done well? Or were you disappointed or unimpressed with certain aspects of it?
November Recap
Okay, so a quick November recap, since I haven’t been on here since…oh…the beginning of November. I did attempt NaNoWriMo, sort of, which is part of why I wasn’t on here. Balancing between word count for books and word count for a blog is still new to me. I found myself in the position where I was devoting more time to trying to build my blog than I was to actually writing. So, I guess my unplanned answer to that problem was to take a hiatus from the blog. Not perfect, but hopefully I can find a better balance soon.
The long tunnel of my November. (By Jean-Pol GRANDMONT)
Throw in my search for a day job (which seems never-ending), keeping track of my up and running queries to agents (have had some positive responses but no representation yet…), Thanksgiving day, and several other projects going on at the moment, and there really isn’t much time left in a day. Imagine that!
So as far as NaNoWriMo goes, I only reached 21,893 in my novel, but I am still chipping away at it. That slump that everyone talks about that hits mid-novel. Yeah, I’m in the middle of it. I keep sitting down and letting words fill the page even though I’m pretty sure they could be a lot cooler. Only time will tell if my trudging will result in something amazing when the flow finally picks up again, or if this idea was just not my greatest idea for a novel.
Anyway, enough whining from me. I will shortly post my thoughts on the last half of Outlander Season 1. I know, I know, I’m a slowpoke. I only got to watch it last month. (Thank God for Netflix DVD. <3) But it seems appropriate now that the trailer for the next season was just released yesterday to discuss it. Did any of you participate in NaNoWriMo? How did you do?
And if you haven’t seen the trailer yet, feast your eyes here.
Checking in…
I haven’t checked in here in what feels like forever. All I can say is, shit happens. And not all bad either. I found out last Friday that I passed the Bar!! So there’s that…
Anyway, I’m back and I will get my head back in gear for posts about writing here soon. I saw The Martian, and would highly recommend it. But nothing jumped out at me as something warranting a review. The second half of Outlander Season 1 on the other hand, will give me plenty to talk about. So as soon as I finish it up, I’ll do that.
For now though, all those who are in the early stages of NaNoWriMo, and anyone else this could help, contemplate one of my favorite quotes:
Note that I have seen several people quote a version of this quote as coming from Benjamin Franklin. No matter which man said it first, it is a great phrase to keep in mind. (Image: Japanese Squirrel edited version” by Ma2bara, Edited by Laitche)
What Not to Do During NaNoWriMo
As a result of the facts that the Bar Exam results are released in two days and that Assassin’s Creed Syndicate was released this week, I am a little distracted. Since I’m trying to put all the effort and focus I can muster into Ultaina, I decided to do a partial reposting today. This was a post I made to try to lighten the mood a little before November started a few years ago. I hope it gives you a laugh and helps you relax before the march to 50,000 words begins!
In anticipation of the start of November, I decided to write down a few of my tips on what not to do, instead of what to do since everyone has a different writing process. I can’t know what would work for everyone but I can definitely share what won’t work. Here it goes…
- Don’t write with a movie or TV marathon on in the background. Your work will look like a patchwork quilt and be about a gay man explaining to his straight best friend’s children how he met their mother while in for questioning about the murder of a naval officer that he once dated. For a twist he’ll tell them that he is their father and that they must destroy the One Ring…you get the idea.
- Don’t change ideas partway through the month. The grass is always greener on the blank page. There are no world rules to follow, characterizations to adhere to, or quagmires of conflicts to wade through. But the point is to finish one book, not to start three. So keep your fingers typing and feel the burn!
- Don’t lose track of Christmas preparations because your head is stuck in your novel. Friends will want Christmas cards and presents if you ever expect them to test read your future novel. (Just kidding! Or am I…?)
- Don’t let your dog or cat guilt you into taking a break from your…aww, look at that face! I don’t want to ignore you, it’s just…well, a five-minute snuggle will be relaxing, and make me more productive.
How can you say no to that face?
Two hours later…
Right, where was I? Oh yeah.
- Don’t pull all-nighters so that you can get your word count for the day. If you are using my word count calendar you can use the catch-up days to fix this, or you may even get on a roll another day and go way over your goal for that day. If all else fails, you can actually continue writing after November to make it long enough. The point is that you need to be rested so that your writing is lucid enough to send to an agent later. Although some modern literature might seem to prove otherwise.
- Don’t tell your relatives that you can’t make Thanksgiving because you have to finish your novel. Then they’ll force you to come so that you can tell them about it, and you will have to explain why your character’s family is so dysfunctional. (Write what you know, right?) Plus, think of all the fun stories you will take away from your get together!
What else doesn’t work for you while you are writing? Or what does work? Feel free to share below!
Star Wars – A “Force” to Be Reckoned With
I have to admit I have already watched the Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer more times than any non-geek would think is proper. (You might have already guessed at the level of my love for Star Wars from the countdown to the right.) Afterward, I always end up contemplating the uniting force (pun intended) that this movie has had upon at least the United States, if not a significant portion of the world. The pictures from the gathering at San Diego Comic-Con both astounded me and made me proud to be a lifelong Star Wars fan. Besides the fact that Star Wars is an amazing universe and deserves a second (or third, or fourth) chance, I can’t help feeling that something else is at work here.
The X-wing does look pretty fraking cool…
At first, I thought that the Disney marketing titan might be the reason behind it. While it is true that there is a lot more tie-in merchandise…well, everywhere, it seems to be more than the PJ pants or LEGO X-Wings. This is an intangible hype.
Is it J.J. Abrams influence, holding the information tightly under wraps? Maybe. I remember when the prequels were in production Star Wars Insider had new pictures and information about the movies in every issue. But then again, most people that I’ve talked to this time are trying to limit their spoilers so that they can have go in to the theater with no preconceptions or previous knowledge. So even if behind-the-scenes information was plastered everywhere, it would not necessarily have diminished the hype.
It could just be that we have been disappointed before and we want so badly to receive the sequel we’ve all been yearning for. (Sorry, Mr. Lucas.) The idea of the prequels was great, but let’s face it, I think most people wanted to continue forward, not dive into a tragedy for which we already knew the ending. Then again, if fans truly wanted to see the future of the universe they could go to the Expanded Universe, which is what I did, for a time.
In the end, I believe that the reason why the world seems primed for this movie is that we are hungry for heroes. The original trilogy gave us a modern mythology, something we hadn’t seen in decades. Look at how it has become so pervasive in our society. Have you met anyone who doesn’t recognize R2-D2, or who doesn’t know the phrase, “May the Force be with you?” It’s akin to Greek mythology, not everyone has heard, watched, or read the stories, but a typical person would know who Hercules or Zeus is. They probably would even understand a Mount Olympus reference. I have to say though, thinking of Star Wars as a mythology was not my idea, it came from Joseph Campbell.
Several years ago I read an amazing book that I recommend to all writers called, The Power of Myth. It is actually the transcript of a TV special by Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers. In it, Star Wars is mentioned quite a lot, and is described as a classic mythology. Myths are described as the world’s dreams, that open the audience up to a “dimension of mystery.” To me that is the same as bringing back a piece of childhood, because what is adulthood, if not the revealing of the truth of all the world around you?
These ‘dreams’ help those that hear, read, or watch them learn how to deal with problems in our world (i.e. The Bible) and are part of the search to discover what it means to be alive. So myths address the question the most essential question that we all get to when we have either stayed up way too late, or have imbibed a bit too much: what does it actually mean to be human? Mr. Data would sympathize, because he worked on it for years and never figured it out. Now that technology has a finger in almost every aspect of our lives, that has added another piece to this equation. Does what we do online really count as living? Can it be part of what it means to be human? Or are we just distracting ourselves from our real, offline lives?
I think that Star Wars has answered the question of what it means to be human for us before, and that we are all yearning for it to do so again. At a time when we were first venturing into space it was vital for us to look at just what exactly we were going to be sharing with the galaxy. Star Wars showed us the human side of space. Today, the mammoth that is the Internet is just another new frontier, where humanity can be sorely lacking. We need to be shown again just what it means to be human.
From another angle, with our world seemingly sinking to new depths of depravity, we need a shining kingdom on the hill to strive toward. Among all of the…let’s just say it…horrific events that have inundated the nightly news every day, we want to be reminded of what it is to be human, and how to make a difference in the world.
He’s somewhere just over that dune. Or was it that one? They all look alike…
Just like Luke Skywalker, we all want to be able to be the nobody that rises from obscurity and changes history, but the path to doing that has become less clear over the past decade.Not that I’m advising someone to go searching for Old Ben out in the the canyons of Tatooine in order to find that path. But what I am saying is that Star Wars once showed us that if we embraced nature and everyone around us, and believed in the good of others, we could save the galaxy. But I think we need to hear it again, because we humans tend to take things for granted unless we are confronted with them regularly and in new ways. I think that this new episode has the power to make a real difference in the world beyond box office sales, by reminding us to be mindful of the world and people around us, and to do, not try.
What do you think? Can this new Star Wars change the world, and give us the mythology we need to change the world for the better?
It’s that time of year…
Time for pumpkin carving? Well, yes but…
So, all of my fellow writers are probably feeling the itch (or is it panic?) caused by the fast-approaching November the 1st. It is yet again time for NaNoWriMo, and every writer who has yet to finish a book, sell a book, or just has a new idea ripe for writing, can use this to his or her advantage. 50,000 words. 1 month. Thanksgiving. Er…, I mean, writing every day.
All four things (even Thanksgiving!) are great for writers. It gives experience with working on a deadline. It gets you writing every day, which helps meet that oft-repeated goal of 10,000 hours of writing for mastery (proposed by Malcolm Gladwell). It even gets you a completed manuscript! Notice, I say manuscript, not book. This 50,000 baby will need lots of editing and probably some more padding before it should ever be sent to an agent, publisher, or contest, or posted on Amazon. But it will be complete. Able to be printed out and dissected with a red pen, or multicolored pens, however you roll.
So, in honor of this major event I have made my own NaNoWriMo calendar for you to use! Check it out below. I subtracted out Thanksgiving and the day after from my word count calculations, because, honestly, I will not even look at a computer on those days. If you still want to write on those days, I would suggest using them as catch-up days. That way if you start running behind you have some padding.
As for my own writing marathon, I have been debating whether to actually start a new project or keep going on the one in process. Since my enthusiasm is already flowing for my current project, Ultaina, and I am still under 10,000 words, I may use it to reach the current 60,000 word goal I have. I already have made a goal to write every day and this will only help with that. So, unless I change my mind between now and November 1st I’ll be listening to a lot of eerie, ethereal music to get in the mood.
What about you? Will you be participating this year? If so, what will you be working on?
Book Review – Dragonfly in Amber
Hey all! So yes, I am most definitely late in getting around to reading beyond the first book in the Outlander series, but if the massive waiting list to get a copy of the third book from my library is any indication, I’m not the only one. Yay for the readership bump caused by a TV adaptation! (Or huge shove, as it were.)
© Simon BP
It seems that the reason Diana Gabaldon crammed so much plot into one book (besides the fact that she seems to do it for every book) is because of the structure she wanted to use. The “past” section of the book is being told to two characters in the “present” section of the book, and there was quite a bit that happened during the time that Claire, the main character, is conveying to her audience. Not only did this structure create massive amounts of tension that may otherwise have been nonexistent by revealing that Claire has obviously time-traveled again and that she doesn’t know what happened to Jamie. It also eliminated any kind of scene where the author had to decide how to show the conveyance of information to another character when the reader already knows it.
The way that points of view were used to implement the time shifts seemed to work very intuitively. The first narrator, Roger Wakefield, keeps the reader in the dark longer than would have been possible if the reader knew everything that Claire knew and could see her thoughts. Plus, using the third-person in his chapters and sections made his point of view immediately recognizable from Claire’s first-person narration. It also had the added bonus of letting a new, instrumental character introduce himself and gain the reader’s trust and loyalty immediately.
While, I believe that the structure of the time shifts in this novel worked very well, there were two structural issues in this book that rubbed me the wrong way. The first is when Jamie is explaining an assassination attempt on his life to Claire. Rather than use dialogue to do so, the author slipped straight into Jamie’s third-person point of view without any break in the text. (a.k.a. head hopping). In my opinion, it goes beyond a simple description of Jamie’s description due to the extreme detail given of things that are not likely to be included in a normal description of an event, e.g. Jamie recognized the men as sailors by the color of their skin, the smell of sea-salt on them, and the gold hoop in one of their ears. This confusing head hopping is made worse by the periodic flipping back into Claire’s point of view and the present. It’s like watching an episode of Lost when you aren’t sure for a while whether you are watching a flashback, a flash-forward, or the present.
This was done only one other time, when Jamie is describing the Battle of Prestonpans, although this time a line break was used to set off the beginning of the switch in point of view. Again, the excess of description made this more than just a description by Claire, including even giving Jamie’s thoughts during the event. And again, random bits of dialogue in Claire’s point of view are interspersed, although less often. I understand that a description of the battle was very important, as was the description of the assassination attempt, but I believe these scenes could have been written cleaner, either explained entirely through dialogue, or through a description of Jamie’s description from Claire’s point of view. The amount of detail might not have been as high, but it would have been smoother.
All in all, I really enjoyed the novel, but I thought that these structural decisions warranted a harder look through the lens of a professional writer. Both so we can see why the time shifts’ structure succeeded, and why the third person event descriptions failed.
What do you think? Were they effective, or did they give you pause too? How would you have written them differently?
Life "N" Quotes 